question: what or who haleemarh is ???

i look at everyone i know/met and i can understand why they are the way they are. and what comes with that is i can see a little of myself in them (but not in a sexual way). when i see an annoying person i can relate to how i can be annoying some times. when i look at an alcoholic i could see myself drinking my problems away, etc. i am you, you are me, and we are one in the same. it seems as if everyone has their own thing going on. so if i am a reflection of you all, does this mean i don’t have my own self, am i nothing?

“You could say I am…the biggest nobody of them all” - Riku

i am stuck in a crossroads loop, everywhere i walk brings me back to the same place. no matter which direction i turn i am brought back to the same spot but more exhausted then the time before. and i am close to giving up walking down the road because they all had it wrong, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, just more darkness and despair. maybe i just need a slap in the face, maybe not a real slap but more of a word-like slap.

why am i here? what am i supposed to do with my life? am i just here to be tortured? cause it seems like the good die, even when they are only 13. it just is NOT fair.

i have been avoiding this for years i can’t even say it to myself out loud, like i open my mouth but no words come out. so hopefully ill be able to type it. i think, i know i am depressed. not some silly o im sad shit, like the real freaking hard core depression. and if you ever saw me you would have never known because i hid it soo well, i have had, what like 6 years of practice. its like every morning i wake up and put on a mask to hide what i really am. and by writing all of this it made me realize this. and this is great, i guess, that i dug deep inside myself to find the truth. but where do i go from here? i dont even know what i want to do in “life”. do i just keep doing nothing until i am more useless and destroyed by loneliness and fear? nothing i do matters, really. its not like i like feeling this way its just the way it is. thoughts anyone?